Friday, January 06, 2006

What's wrong with this picture?

Geoff Johns shuffles into Dan DiDio's office, clearly upset.

"Hey, Dan, I've got a problem."

"What's the matter, sweetie? Come on over here and tell me all about it."

DiDio winks flirtatiously. Johns pulls a chair up to his boss's desk.

"Gosh, this is really hard to talk about. I've been having--"

DiDio cuts him off. "Is it that time of the month again?"

Johns stares across the desk in horror. "No, that's not it at all. You see, I'm really uncomfortable with the climate around this office."

"Was Jim Lee being mean to you again? I can talk to him if you want, but you've got to toughen up. It's time to be a big boy, Geoff. There's no crying in baseball, if you know what I mean."

Johns's frustration increases. He knew this was going to happen. But he tries again.

"I don't mean to sound whiny, Dan, but I think this office has a problem with..."

"Come on, spit it out."

"Sexism. There, I said it. This place is sexist. I can't walk through this building without a dozen people wolf whistling or calling me 'baby'."

DiDio rolls his eyes. "What did I say about toughening up? Boys will be boys, after all."

"It's not just that. Hardly anyone here will look me in the eye when they talk to me--they're always staring at my chest."

"Well, you are showing it off all the time, leaving the collar unbuttoned on those hot little oxford shirts. If you don't want men checking out your merchandise, cover yourself up for once."

"But Dan, George Perez can't keep his hands off me! I was trying to talk to him about the art for IC #3, but I can't get anything done with his hand inching up my thigh. I ran out of the room. What else could I do? Then afterwards, he told all the other guys in the office that I'm a cocktease."

DiDio sighs. "How do I know that that even happened?"

"What?"

"How do I know that you don't just want attention? You show off that cute little butt in those tight khaki pants all day, and then when that doesn't get you noticed, you go around making baseless accusations. I bet you're just jealous."

Johns stands up from his chair. "Dan, I thought you would understand."

And that was the day that Geoff Johns quit comics forever. But there was another cute writer to take his place, one who didn't complain about being ogled by his peers, constantly disrespected, and assaulted by his editor. So no one even noticed that Geoff was gone.

5 Comments:

Blogger Mallet said...

That was well written.

1:47 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Mallet said...

Oh and I figured out what was wrong!

Geoff Johns dosn't always wear Khaki's! It should be "Tight pants" with out the Khaki part.

At first I thought it was men staring at his chest but then I remembered he wears a wears a Hawkman wing harness every where.

Nearly got me there, but you can't fool me!

2:44 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Devon said...

That made me squirm.

Well done.

7:39 PM, January 08, 2006  
Blogger Scipio said...

" What's wrong with this picture?"

Um... I'm not in it?

Actually, I'd be too busy chasing after Mike Zagari...

5:50 PM, January 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm afraid I really don't understand the point of this entry. Are you making fun of Geoff Johns or fantasizing about him?

3:42 PM, March 02, 2010  

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