Wednesday, June 08, 2005

So, whose side am I on? Mine.

So. If I have a comic blog, I've got to pick sides in the Rann/Thanagar War.

Even if it is kind of sad that the Rann/Thanagar war in the comics blogs is more interesting than the one in the comics themselves.

OK, fellas, make your case.

Adam Strange: Why bother? It's clear you're going to support Rann.

Why's that?

Adam Strange: Dude! Ray guns! Jet packs! You've got a huge hard-on for all that Silver Age sci-fi crap!

This is true... even if you are a Flash Gordon rip-off.

Adam Strange: And I had an ongoing spot in the back pages of Green Lantern for a while. And Hal Jordan and I even had a two-issue adventure in the '90s series before he went Batshit Fucking Loco. He thought I was cool. And smart. And resourceful.

I seem to recall Hal got captured by Quardians in those issues.

Adam Strange: Well, yes, but --

And tied to a cross.

Adam Strange: But--

TIED. TO. A. CROSS.

Adam Strange: Well, I saved him, didn't I?

No, you didn't. You got your psychically-jacked-up 4-year-old daughter to save him. I don't recall you doing much at all.

Adam Strange: Well, at least I didn't need a 4-year-old to save my ass!

Not the way to get on my good side, ray-gun boy.

Hawkman: All the more reason to support Thanagar!

But you're... so... Republican.

Hawkman: You're going to base how you feel about an entire race on how you feel about one man?!

I didn't see you complaining about me judging Rann based on Adam Strange. And he's not even from Rann.

Hawkgirl: OK, so Hawkman's a tool. But you like me.

Yeah, but that's in the animated universe. The animated universe can even make a schmuck like John Stewart look cool.

Franny: THIS BLACK MAN LETS IT ALL HANG OUT!

John Stewart: GODDAMMIT I DID NOT SAY THAT!

Boy, don't make me get out the back issues.

Hawkgirl: Come on... deep down, you know a woman swinging a giant mace is pretty awesome.

Point.

Hawkgirl: And we invented TiVo. And nearly every comics blog you read daily supports us. You know we're going to win.

Rationally, yes. I know Rann is going to get its collective ass kicked. But just because I know you're going to easily beat the piss out of a people doesn't mean I have to be behind that. And the latest issue of The Rann/Thanagar War convinced me of that. "New Thanagar?" Screw that. I don't care if you don't have a homeland. That doesn't give you the right to invade someone else's planet, dammit.

Hawkgirl: But Adam Strange is still useless. You've got to admit that.

How about this: we just shoot Adam Strange and end the whole bloody business.

Adam Strange: NOW WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE --

1 Comments:

Blogger Devon said...

You've chose well. (Points mace your way.)

4:38 PM, June 12, 2005  

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